Broken, Fallen, Risen
by blackbirdwings
Summary: Adam Lambert, OMC, Tommy Joe Ratliff,
1. Prologue

SSGNT Joseph Adam Lambert  
1989-2011

He stood with his head in his hands at the altar, he had placed the red rose on the casket, and was now trying to let go, this was the hardest part. The casket was empty but he knew that wasn't coming back. Not now, not in a few months not ever… this was the nightmare that he had every night; now it was real… he would never be the same without him. What he didn't know was that he was still alive and that he was in for the surprise of his life…


	2. Remember Me

~Chapter 1~  
Remember Me

_Adam stood with Joe at the airport, he had his head almost touching Joe's it was very solemn._

"You come back to me you hear?"

"I will I promise…" Joe whispered.

"I love you…you must come back you can't leave me here alone…I'll dream of you every night…write, call, Skype, let me know your okay. Promise?"

"I promise." Joe kissed him deeply right there in the airport."

"Military Flight 628 boarding now." A person over the loud speaker spoke.

"That's you baby." Adam said tears coming to his eyes, as his voice broke.

"I know…I'll come back. Don't worry."

"I'm going to worry so much you know that."

"I know, now I better go that plane waits for no one."

"I love you.." Adam said to him.

Joe walked back wards towards the elevator; Adam smiled right back tears escaping his eyes. That was the last time he saw his husband.

x"I'll be waiting for you." He whispered as the doors closed.

Another flashback, he had been having too many of those lately he missed Joe so much. He hadn't been eating or drinking. He hadn't been out of the house in over a week. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Joe was his world and now he was gone. They hadn't even been married for more than 2 years yet. He was supposed to be on tour but that wasn't going to happen as long as he wa3s a mess.

"Adam you have to come out of there, you've been in there for almost a week now!"

"NO! I don't want to!" Adam shouted back at his brother Neil. He had been staying with him while Adam was in his depressed state, making sure he didn't go too extreme during this state.

"Get out of there right now and eat something, I know your upset but you will not stay in here your whole life and mope around, I'm not saying you must get back into the music this instant but you will be back in the business soon. Now get up!"

Adam groaned and stretched, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear, life was worthless, and it had no meaning anymore without Joe. But he knew how persistent Neil could be and he wasn't in the mood for someone nagging him about it all day. So he steadied himself against the nightstand and pushed himself out of bed, not even bothering to look at himself, he knew his hair was beyond greasy and gross, but he could care less, as he already said. Without Joe, nothing was worth looking nice for anymore.

"There you are! Now eat that," A sandwich was lied out on the table. Adam shook his head he hadn't eaten much all week and a sandwich was too much right now.

"No, eat it!"

"I'm not hungry." He said quietly. Neil rose from his chair in the living room and walked over to his big brother, who looked like hell, hair was matted, makeup was running, his eyes were red and blood shot. Neil had never seen Adam this messed up before not even the night that he came crying to his house because his boyfriend had cheated on him and he walked in on Drake and another guy fucking. Neil sighed.

"Look at me…" Adam looked up his glazed marble looking eyes bore into his brothers, they were dull, and red, all the sparkle had disappeared.

"Adam I know that your upset, I know that you feel like no one cares, I can understand if your upset anyone would be after a tragic even as this one. But you have to take care of yourself; Joe wouldn't want this…Would he?"

Adam shook his head without saying anything.

"He promised me… He promised me he would come back… he promised me more than once! He promised, he promised! He swore he would come back he promised! He never breaks his promises, Joe's still alive, he just can't be dead…he promised." Adam said getting himself all worked up tears fell from his eyes. Neil pulled his brother down to his chest, kissing his forehead and rubbing his back as he cried into his shoulder, it hurt him to see his brother this broken, and this disoriented. Adam had always been the strong one; Adam was the one, who never cried, but now this happened and nothing would be the same again.

"Adam you know he's gone, don't torture yourself."

"They never found his body, so he might still be alive!" Adam said a glint of hope shined in his eyes, Neil didn't want him to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help think that Adam could be right.

"Don't get your hopes up…" Neil told Adam.

"What if he's not dead?" Neil hated to be the one to bring his hopes down but he had to.

"What if he is?"

"DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!" Adam said furiously.

"Please don't get your hopes up."

"But there's a chance." Adam said sadly.

"Maybe…but most likely they are correct… He's gone so don't get your hopes up yet." Neil said to his brother trying to keep things in perspective.

They were far from correct though, for laying on the hard, dusty ground tied to a pole sat Joe, his face a mess, and his helmet squeezing his already splitting head, he whispered 'I'll come back to you Addie…' before blacking out for the second time that day.


	3. Captive

~Chapter 2~  
Captive

Six Months later…

"Get up you dirty American!" A harsh voice said into his ear before slapping his already bruised and beaten face.

Joe didn't say a word but obeyed, knowing if he listened for now, he could attack and get he and his team out safely and take down the fools that had them under control.

The man held a gun to Joe's head he didn't speak but he walked out to the daylight, they threw him and another one of his the people in his troops up against a wall tying them up with ropes and pulling them to another tent. Joe felt like he wanted to die, his arms ached from being tied behind him all the time, he had an itch that he couldn't scratch, and he was in pain from being slapped so many times, he had dirty cuts on his face which he knew would get infected if he didn't get water soon, but he could care less at the moment, now the most important thing was developing a plan to get his crew, and himself out of this hell hole, he had already lost 10 of his men, because of the brutal beatings these Iroquoian men put them through, he had 23 soldiers left. Being led into another tent, and tied to another wood pole.

"STAY HERE!" The man said with a thick accent but understandable English. The man left and closed the flap; about 15 of his men were in the tent with him. One brave one spoke up.

"Sir when are we going to make a move?" Kyle one of the young, but faithful ones asked.

"Soon…we could try now, but we only have fifteen of us right now, besides we aren't close to any weapon tents, yet. I mean we have our hand guns, but those won't hold us off enough…but I promise I'll get you guys out soon…now be quiet before he comes back." By the end of those sentences Joe felt his throat ache, he was in need of water, they only gave them it twice a day, and normally it was polluted and dirty.

"Stand straight up bitches, and file out, don't even think about running, my men will shoot you down and kill you instantly!" Another Iroquoian man said to them as he entered the tent.

Each of them was whipped across the back as they walked out the door. Joe and five of his other men were taken to the head master, who wanted to get information about how the Americans were going to attack, when and what weapons they would be using. They had been warned to never give into the pleads, and if they had too, only give them false but believable information.

Joe was taken into the room first, the man asked him a question he didn't say a word.

"Answer me you filthy piece of dirt!" The man demanded.

"We are not planning to attack your groups; we are attacking those west of here."

"There are none west of here! You are a liar!" The man had been pacing in front of him but now his hand connected with his face, and he slapped him.

"I expect the truth now! Or you will be punished." Joe said nothing once again.

"Expect an attack sometime during the night. You might want to put more guards at the south gate…" This was part of Joe's plan… he hoped they would fall for it.

"See that wasn't so bad now we won't have to beat the other three…"

"Take him and the others to the tent, station some others at the gate…" The man said before waving his recruits off.

'Yes they fell for it!' Joe thought to himself as he was led to a shed with a rickety door. He was tired of being here and he knew his men were too, he was going to get them out tonight.

"Get in!" A guard said thrusting all three of them foreword into the dimly lit room.

Joe was freed of the rope on his wrist and pushed in the middle of the guards, along with what he noticed as every single one of his other men, time dragged on slowly when Joe turned to the young man beside him. His name was Eli, a very loyal man willing to do whatever his captain asked him to do, not to mention a loyal family man and a good person to go to for a laugh once upon a time ago. Eli had become a good friend to him, and accepted the fact that he was gay without question; he had mentioned being a fan of his husband as well before he was deployed again.

"Eli, I have a plan." Joe said in a barely audible voice.

"What is it sir?"

"NO TALKING!" A guard said.

Joe lowered his voice. "We are getting out of here, I'm going to distract one of them and you guys are all going to charge! Go for the door, and don't hold back just go! Okay,"

"No sir it's too dangerous, you'll get yourself killed, and you might get us killed as well that's crazy."

"It's our only option, we've lost 10 good men already, if we don't want to lose any more, than we will have to take this chance or well never get out!"

"But sir-"

"Trust me…" Eli stared into his masters eyes for a long few seconds.

"Yes sir I trust you…"

"Good… when I cough that's your signal, tell the others." Joe ordered.

"Yes sir."

Joe arose from his spot on the ground all arms turned to him "Whoa boys, I just need to take a leak, no need to get protective."

"Pick a corner." A guard said harshly.

"Come on man that's going to leave a huge smell later, why don't you just let me take a leak outside, I'll be real quick about it! I swear." A man grunted and motioned for Joe to follow him. Joe grinned a little bit.  
This plan was going better than he thought it would.


	4. Escape

Chapter 3~  
Escape

As they got to the front and the door opened Joe began to cough loudly. Eli made a move he grabbed the guard closest to him and pinned him against the wall and grabbed his shoulders and the weapon and shot him, the rest of the crew broke out in fighting the enemy forces off, shots were fired, and Joe was helping an injured one of his fight off two guards, and the main master, he shot them all in a quick motion, helping KC the one with the broken leg up and out to the light, telling him to watch and guard and call for help if he needed it. Joe fought off 3 more guards, and the rest of his men got the others, dead enemies lied around them, Eli came up to his chief and stated proudly.

"We did it!"

"I know!"

"We are finial free."

"I- sir watch out!" Eli shouted mid sentence before Joe knew what was happening he was pushed to the ground, and blacked out momentarily.

Sitting back up his vision was blurred but his gaze returned to see a figure lying on the floor coughing and gasping Joe hurried to them, because he could tell already it was one of his men, by the troop number on his arm, Eli…

"Damn it son, what did you do! I'm the old guy… what the hell did you do! You took the damn bullet for me! I'm the one who's supposed to protect you! Eli please stay with me!" He put pressure onto his wound that was bleeding and not having any intention of stopping soon.

"Sir…You need to…go…leave me…they will get you and…everyone else…save them…" Eli stated roughly.

"No! Don't talk like that son! You're going to live you have to you have a wife and kids! You have to stay with me!"

"Go save them…do your job…" Eli breathed out falling lip, his chest didn't rise again. Joe fought back the urge to cry. Clint another one of his loyal men put a hand on his shoulder

"We need to go sir…"

"I can't just leave him here!"

"You have to we need to go… he wouldn't want all of us to die because of him… we have to go quickly…come on." Clint coaxed him. Joe found his land legs and stood up straight and tall he said a prayer for Eli, and then ran to Clint's side.

"Let's move!" Joe said loudly.

"I'm coming Adam…I'll be home soon." He whispered as he ran through the camp and out of enemy clutches, back to their camp that was a little less than 20 miles away. Or at least he hoped that's where it still stood.

They took a twisted route, just in case one or two had managed to not get killed in the ambush attack, he had the remaining 24 men by his side as he crossed over to their camp… It was still there after six months. General Jack Walsh looked dumbfounded as he saw Joe and a fourth of his crew stumble into the camp… it had been a year… and here they were alive? How? Well that didn't matter, what mattered was getting these men home after what traumatic experience they had.

"Sergeant Lambert?"

"Yes sir commander?"

"Where the hell have you guys been?"

"Iroquoian forces about 20 miles from here, don't worry they are all dead… they held us hostage…"

"How did you manage to survive?"

"Not all of us did… only 25 of us returned…"Joe looked down sadly as he said this."

"Well it's time you all get home; you should have been home 6 months ago."

"Really?"

"Do you honestly think we are going to make you stay here longer after the experience you just had? Come on and clean up, I'll get these guys to a safe base, and lifted off home, you need to explain everything that happened."

Joe nodded, "May I go talk to my crew first?"

"By all means yes…"

He returned to them and stood in front of them all. They looked a bit scared.

"I know this has been a traumatic experience for many of you, and I'm glad to be telling you that you are going home, but before I do that I need to thank every one of you individually without you guys I wouldn't be a SSGNT, I want to thank you guys for being loyal to me and showing bravery and honor throughout this last year. I want to thank you for always listening to me and showing me respect, and obeying my commands. I want to thank you guys for accepting my orientation, that's actually what I was most afraid of when I became a SGNT I thought that you wouldn't respect me because of my orientation but you guys proved me wrong. I want to tell you how proud I am to be the commander of you all are so brave and loyal, you all deserve to go home and see your families… I hope to never see you again on this battle field you've been through enough already!" They all gave slight chuckles and saluted him; he saluted them all back and let them get on their helicopters. Heading to his own Clint came over and asked him to keep in touch even after this. Joe promised and said he would be glad to since they lived around the same part of L.A.

Joe boarded his helicopter and headed off to the army safe base. Only a little while longer before he would get to see Adam. Wow… was this going to get interesting…considering the fact that Adam had a boy friend, and didn't even know Joe was alive…


	5. Anticipation

Chapter 4~  
Anticipation

"I love you so much you know after Joe died I never thought I'd love again…" Adam said reaching up to play with Sauli's hair.

"I love you too," they were watching the news when Adam heard something about 24 men from American troop 3306 being found after 6 months, who were being sent home now. Adam stopped. Troop 3306…why was that so familiar? Wait…no…it couldn't be… That was the troop Joe was leader of… but they said that there was only 24 of them coming home… and they didn't mention anything about the sergeant… so he decided that Joe was probably dead.

"Baby…that was Joe's group…"

"What?"

"Troop 3306… but his name wasn't listed under the ones living…"

"What do you mean?"

"That was the name of Joe's troop in the army he was the Staff Sergeant of that group, but only 25 out of I think the 75 men survived. So he actually is gone…even after all this time I just hoped…"

"Shhh…. I know I know… it's okay…don't get all worked up."

"I mean I wouldn't leave you for anything but I just hoped that maybe he was still alive." Adam began to cry.

"I know honey."

"Come on let's get to bed." Sauli said as he helped Adam up those stairs.

-

_With Joe_

Joe was sitting on the Jet with Clint beside him, the two couldn't be happier, they were finally going to be able to go home and see their husband and wife.

"So who is Adam?"

"Adam? Oh Adam he's my amazing husband who I bet has been worried sick." Ha, ha, yeah right.

"He's the most amazing man I've ever meant, he was completely supportive about me joining the army except he was worried I would die… but I promised him I would come back to him someday, and I can't wait to see him!"

"Did you call him?"

"His number was disconnected, probably some fan got a hold of it and he had to change it."

"How's your wife?"

"Oh I actually have no clue; she hasn't been able to call me because I got a new number I guess I should have called her… I think I will.

"Cool!"

"Hey, um maybe we could get together after you get back home, like your husband, and my wife, all of us. It would be really cool!"

"Defiantly!" Joe said. "Um here enter your number!" After that Clint went to call his wife in the back of the plane, and Joe ended up falling asleep, they had a good 6 hours before they landed.

The next day Joe was awoken with a shake by Clint. "We're home! Is he meeting you here?"

"No…I think I'll surprise him at the house…"

"Oh alright, do you want to meet my wife first?"

"Sure…" Joe said a bit unsure of himself but he followed Clint.

Clint ran to a women who was maybe 5'4'' with blond hair, no doubt she was pretty, this must be his wife.

"Ally, this is Staff Sergeant Joseph Lambert… I wanted him to meet you he's been the one in charge of me the whole time, also turned out to be a great friend of mine."

"Oh Hi! I'm Alison, but everyone calls me Ally! Did Clint behave over there?"

"Oh yes, you're lucky to have him, he's really brave."

"So I assume you have a wife waiting for you somewhere."

"Actually no, my husband's at home, he doesn't know I'm coming I couldn't get a hold of him."

"Oh! I'm sorry," She blushed.

"It's alright… well I hope to meet you again sometime I should really get home, and Clint, thanks a lot buddy." Joe smiled and waved weaving through the crowd of happy soldiers returning home.

Giddy with excitement he couldn't wait to see Adam he only had to wait a little while longer. He got his duffel bag and headed out and hailed a cab, telling the man the address and paying with the little American cash he had left in his bag. He got out at his house and walked to the front steps, it looked just the same as he had remembered it… he heard voices from upstairs. He was beyond excited, he sprinted up stairs and expected to find Adam in his study talking on his phone, or doing a video chat but, no he wasn't there. Maybe he was in there room… He got closer to the door, and put his hand on the handle emotions going haywire, he couldn't wait to see the look on his face after so long… but the face on him when he opened the door ended up being even more priceless…


	6. Why?

~Chapter 5~  
Why?

Adam lay there on the bed with a man on top of him, giggling like a little girl and smiling the man was having sex with Adam… they were having sex had Adam really forgotten about him? This didn't make since. What was going on? Why? How? He couldn't do anything, and they had been too wrapped up in each other to notice another soul was standing in their presence.

"A-Adam?" He croaked he felt the tears fall down his face quickly… he had been so excited, how could that change so fast? How could Adam do this to him…he cheated on him while he was away fighting for their country, while he was being held hostage and beaten every night only tolerating it so he would be able to see Adam again, Adam was fucking some blond whore who oddly resembled Tommy with a tanner skin.

"JOE?" Adam's eyes got wide. "It's not what it looks like…I thought you were dead…" Adam said pushing Sauli off of him, who quickly gathered his clothes and out them on.

"Now I am… you killed me… you just ripped my heart out and stomped all over it!" Joe said his voice was dripping with hurt and anger. "I can't even look at you!"

"JOE! WAIT!"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU MADE ME PROMISE THAT I WOULD COME HOME I DID! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WHILE I WAS GONE! I WAS PUT THROUGH HELL AND THE ONLY THING THAT GOT ME THROUGH WAS KNOWING I WOULD SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY AND NOW LOOK! APEARENTLY I DON'T EVEN HAVE YOU ON MY SIDE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I LOVED YOU…I LOVED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!" Joe took off his wedding band he still had all this time, and threw it at the picture of he and Adam that sat on the mantel nailing it and causing the glass to crack.

"Joe I thought you were dead… that's what they told me when-"

"FORGET IT! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HELL YOU THOUGHT! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU! DON'T EVER TRY TO CALL OR CONTACT ME AGAIN!"

"Joe please you have to believe me!"

"NO!" Joe said stomping out the door, he grabbed his duffel bag and ran out the door. He ran and ran he didn't know how long he ran but he kept running, he found himself at a dark alley way, it was as good of a place as any, he sat down, and pulled out his phone and one of Adam's shirts from his duffel bag, he let himself go, right there, he cried he sobbed and sobbed on and on, he just couldn't believe Adam would do this to him he loved him so much and had been so excited to see him again… even if he thought Joe was dead how could he move on so fast? Did Joe even mean anything to him at all?

He took out his phone and looked through his contacts; he needed someone who could help him make sense of this all. Despite the fact that it was almost 11:30 he called up Adam's other partner in crime and best friend, Tommy Joe Ratliff.

"Hello?" A groggy sounding Tommy said into the phone.

"I'm sorry I woke you up but it's Joe…" He sniffed.

"JOE! I thought you were dead!"

"Everyone does apparently but that's not important listen I need a place to stay for now… and a few of my questions answered…"

"Oh my god where are you I can come and pick you up! I'm in the alley across from the McDonalds on Sunset." He said

"In an alley? Whatever listen I'll be there in ten minutes." Tommy hung up before Joe could say anything else.

Tommy got out of his car and rushed over to the masculine figure leaning against the wall he ran over to it, it was in fact Joe.

"Tommy is that you?" Joe asked "I can't believe it! You've actually gotten taller! By an inch or two…"

"Joe, I can't believe it! I thought you were dead… I thought you died a long time ago… oh my god I'm so glad you're alive you're not missing anything are you? Limbs, legs, fingers, toes, dick?" Tommy asked.

Joe laughed and shook his head "Almost everything in me is put together…except my heart…" Joe whispered the last part.

"Oh no… we have to talk don't we? Come on let's get to my place than you can lay it all on me." Joe nodded and followed Tommy to his truck.


	7. Please Explain

~Chapter 6~  
Please Explain…

Tommy walked Joe inside and brought out to cans of Mountain Dew he cracked his open and Joe did the same sitting across from him he got to the point.

"What happened…?"

"Were?"

"What happened with Adam?"

"Oh…"

"Yeah oh…"

"Um well I don't know that's why I came here. I didn't know what was going on… I came back to the house and I went upstairs to surprise him, I heard voices but I assumed it was the T.V. or a video chat of some sort. I found him in our room… in our bed…with- with-…"

"Sauli?"

"That guy I think…who is he? And why were they making love when I walked in like, it wasn't even rough! Why! Why were they doing it?"

"Joe… Sauli is Adam's boyfriend he meant him in Finland two months after they said you had died."

"What? How did he move on so fast?"

"He didn't he would cry to Sauli every night about you… he missed you so badly."

"How come he moved on now?"

"I don't know if he has… you coming back probably confused him and made him feel guilty…so I don't know what he's feeling."

"I love him still…how could he? I mean he's never looked at me that way before when we had sex, and he's never been so loving and passionate, not even with my first time… what if he loves Sauli more than me?"

"Aw… Joe please don't do this to yourself… Adam loves you…" Joe shook his head and put his hands over his face and sobbed into them. He cried so hard that he felt dizzy… Tommy stayed with him all night; he sent texts out to everyone about Joe's return.

"I love him!" Joe kept muttering through his tears, the poor guy was obviously broken… from his horrible homecoming, to whatever kept him away for 6 months.

The next day he got a text from Leila about Joe, she was ecstatic, and wanted to see him ASAP but Tommy told her about what had happened and she said she would look into things with Adam for him. Tommy was grateful, now he could focus on Joe.

Adam was so confused from the night before, Sauli had been sitting with him all day, being supportive, as bad as Joe felt for going back and making love to Sauli after the incident he couldn't help but feel okay with it because well he loved Sauli, and as he said he wouldn't leave Sauli for anything but what about Joe? After all he had married him, and he made a promise, but what if he didn't want to keep that promise anymore? What if he didn't love Joe as much as he loved Sauli? How could he let Joe down easy? Was that even possible? Adam could see how in love with him Joe was and he didn't want to crush his heart. He knew how it felt to be in love with someone so deeply and not receive the same love back. It hurts a lot; it's one of the worst pains you can go through that involves love. He really didn't want to do this to Joe but honestly he had no choice. He loved Sauli with all his heart and soul and he knew Sauli loved him equally with Joe he was never too sure how he felt, especially after hearing that he wasn't going to see him again, Joe had already put him through a lot of pain and he really didn't want to go through that again.

His thoughts were broken when his phone rang it was his mom… he rolled his eyes, but answered.

"Hey honey…" She said.

"Hi mom."

"Um well Tommy texted me at like midnight about Joe, apparently he picked him up after an incident at your place, do you want to elaborate?"

Adam sighed and went on explaining about how Joe had walked in on Sauli and himself that night then how he went off on him while he tried to explain.

"Wow… well what are your feelings on this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you think of this, do you still love him? Or do you love Sauli more now that you've been with him for 4 months, and he's helped you through this."

"Honestly mom… I love Sauli more…I just don't know how to tell him this because I mean I married him… I should love him more. And I can see the genuine love in his eyes, and the way he got so mad at me last night, I could tell he loved me so much. I just don't want to hurt him. I mean one of the worst things you can experience in a relationship is when you love someone but they don't love you back, when you love them with all your heart and soul, but they don't show you the equal love that you do back. I know trust me… and I have never hurt so much in those situations. I don't want to put Joe threw it!"

"You know if you drag this out then it will only get worse."

"I know and I don't want to see him hurt."

"Baby he's already hurt…Tommy said he cried himself sick literally numerous times last night you need to end this before he is in too deep.

"I will… today… at 4:00 Sauli and Joe are both coming over I'm going to explain it to Joe gently and then I'll get him to sign the divorce papers, then I'll propose to Sauli! But not when he's here that would be low."

"He's going to be crushed. " His mom said to him.

"I know… mommy could you come too? Bring Dad if he wants to come…please?"

"Of course, if you need us than yes, of course I'll be there."

"Thanks mom…now I have to pick up Sauli we're going out for lunch!"

"Alright bye honey."

"And pass the info on to Tommy, and could you ask him to tag along with Joe,"

"Yep."

"Thanks! Bye." Adam said before hanging up.

He was really dreading 4:00


	8. Cryin'

Chapter 7~  
Cryin'

Tommy, Leila, Eber, Joe, and Sauli sat in the living room the next day, Adam and Sauli on the couch, Leila and Eber on the love seat and Joe and Tommy stood, Joe leaned against one of the walls and Tommy stood off to the side were the T.V. was.

"Well the reason I brought all of you guys here was because kind of wanted to explain the whole misunderstanding, of yesterday… for your sake Joe."

"Go on…" Joe said.

"Well um I didn't cheat on you, I was with Sauli because I thought you were dead and I thought you weren't coming back. I know that what my feelings towards him now are, and at first he was just someone who was there for me and who cared after the incident, but then he became much more… I'm sorry… Joe, I think I love Sauli more, I don't know why I mean we have only been together 6 months but there's something that just sparks in our relationship that didn't spark in ours, I feel so guilty doing this, because truly I should love you because I married you, and it's not right just to turn on you like this, I mean I still love you and I do have feelings for you but-"

"You're rambling I get it, it happens every time… no need to explain yourself I'm totally used to it by now, it won't be the first marriage or relationship that's failed."

"What do you mean?"

"I was married to women once,Jenny, but yeah she found Chad when she went to rehab so I got pushed to the back and we fell apart… She divorced me the same way that you're divorcing me so hand over the papers and don't make it any harder than it is." Adam was stunned he had never known that about Joe. He was hurt though because of how nonchalant he was acting.

"I'm not saying that you're not good enough." Joe gave a chuckle to that comment.

"Sure you aren't nothing I haven't heard before let me just get whatever stuff you still have of mine and I'll go…" Joe signed his name at the bottom of the paper and stood up, not looking back at any of them.

He had his hands in his pockets as he walked up that familiar stair case, he saw boxes in the corner of the room, opening one he saw his CD's, Vinyl, and jackets, some of his clothes in the other, and some of his books , shoes and photos of them in the other. He scoffed and picked up two of the boxes, and began to walk out, but he ran into Adam who had come up stairs.

"What do you want?"

"Do you just not care?" Adam asked.

"Not care about what?"

"That I said I didn't love you as much as I loved Sauli?"

"Did I say I didn't?"

"You're acting like you don't care I mean you're being so cool about it."

"You don't think I feel like you ripped my heart out and stomped all over it when I loved you with all my heart, you don't think I feel like I was used, you don't think I feel like I wasn't good enough, you don't think that a whole YEAR meant nothing to me? What the hell is your problem? I guess I should be used to it. I've had many relationships and theyve all ended the same with me taking the blame for everything bag went wrong, and everyone turning on ME. Well guess what they ripped me in half to! They hurt me to! I wasn't the only one involved in the relationship!" Joe shouted in Adam's face. I wasn't the only one who wasn't good enough they made it seem like I was the one who was the heartbreaker, when truth be told, they were!" Joe said tears fell from his eyes as he walked away from Adam.

"And Adam, take this…" He threw him their wedding band.

"Joe I'm sorry…"

"Yeah that's what they all say, every single damn time this happens! Every single one! I'm not good enough for anyone and yet I let myself fall anyway! I should have learned not to trust anyone, maybe I would have been better off as a hostage at that army camp… it was less painful than this. I'll try my best to forget you…although I know I probably won't…"

"Tommy, can you help me?" Joe asked.

"Sure."

"Um I left one of the boxes up stairs and I really don't want to be here any longer than I have to be."

"Alright I'll get it."

"Joe…"

"Just leave it alone Adam, I thought you were different Adam! But I was wrong!"

"I'll be fine… have a good life… I'll move on like I said I've gotten used to it somewhat, I'll never find the one… I just hope you don't regret this, I mean Sauli seems nice, have a nice life." Joe said coldly as Tommy joined him.

-

"Joe what did you mean when you said you've gotten used to it?"

"Um, well I've gotten used to it it's happened before, I'm not good enough so they decide they love someone else and go and rub it in my face, I've gotten used to rejection though, I mean I was rejected by my own family can't get any worse than that."

"What do you mean?"

"My family turned me out and told me I wasn't worth it, and so has everyone else so I think I get it by now, I'm not worth it!"

"Joe you are worth it, please don't think otherwise."

"Whatever you say Tommy, I'm just not going to believe it."

"Joe…"

"Tommy…"

"Oh shut up I'm trying to be serious here."

"I knew going into this we wouldn't last very long, and hell I was right!"

"Joe please don't talk like that."

"Then how am I supposed to talk?"

"Well after all you did love him, and so you must have had some faith, so don't act like you didn't."

"Fine at one point maybe in the moment, I thought I actually meant something, but did I? No. So it doesn't matter!"

"I'm going to go back to my mom and dad's house, maybe next week, or in a few days, I can't be staying with you for too long without a job and without paying."

"Come on man I work for that guy, I make plenty now, I can manage to pay rent, you can stay longer than that."

"Honestly I just want to get away from it all and I'm hoping they will accept me again if they don't I don't know what I'll do…"

"Stay with me?"

"Maybe, but probably not… I mean I need to settle down whether it be in my own little house singly or with a husband, or wife, I mean honestly I don't want to search my whole life, truthfully I think I'd be better single for the rest of my life."

"Whatever but you can stay here as long as you need, if they turn you away again I'll be here."

"Thanks Tommy at least I can count on someone to still care about me."

"What did you mean about being a hostage earlier?"

"Oh yeah that's the reason behind me being M.I.A in the first place, we were taken hostage after a bombing, that's all I can say…"

"What happened?"

"Well they were from the other side, and well obviously they didn't treat us well… I lost at least 30 of my men there, including Eli,"

"Who's Eli?"

"He took a bullet for me, when we were escaping… he dies right in front of me. He and Clint were the two most loyal, and honorable men in that group, they were the first ones to accept my orientation, and they were the ones who would do anything that I commanded without a question most of the time. Eli… he was so young… he was 19 years old… and he had a wife, and a child, he was a great family man I could tell by the way he would talk about them… with so much love and passion. Everyone knew who Adam was there I would talk about him non-stop, and they would remind me of him when I wanted to give up, we were not only fighting for something but someone, I was fighting for Adam… but apparently he could have cared less."

"Joe… he thought you were dead…"

"Yeah but how could he move on so fast?"

"I guess we kind of pushed him too. I mean if you had died would you want him to sit around for a year moping about your loss?"

"No… but I would want him to at least be a little more upset." Joe realized how selfish that sounded, but still he at least expected him to take him back after this.

"I at least expected him to want me back after he found out I was alive…"

"I know… and I'm sorry."

"Why does love suck?"

"I'll tell you when I figure it out." Tommy said.

"Yeah you do that."

They pulled into the drive way and got out, taking the boxes inside as well. Joe had a long lonely road ahead of him. And he was wondering if it was all worth the pain.


	9. Reliving the Rejection

~Chapter 8~  
Re-living Rejection

Joe walked up to his parents door, he had finally managed to make it back to their mansion in Dallas, he saw Jason and Dani's car in the drive way so he wondered if they were there. He rang the door bell after taking a deep breath and looked back at Tommy who had tagged along for support; he stood down a few steps giving him thumbs up. He waited and no one answered so he rang the door bell again, this time he heard footsteps, and he saw the door handle twist, no turning back now. His mother revealed herself from behind the black wooden door.

"Joseph? Oh my… what are you doing here? Your father's not going to be very happy…"

"Adam cheated, err um… left me…" Joe said fighting back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

"Oh honey… I'm so sorry…"

"I joined the military... and while I was gone they thought I was dead, so when I got back Adam had fallen in love with someone else, and didn't want me anymore…I loved him mom…" Joe said tearfully. "I need a place to stay for now…"

"Well your father will be the judge of that but I will let you stay until he gets home, I want you to stay much longer but you'll have to talk with your dad to finalize it, Jason,Dani, and Nate are all here, Bradley should be back in a while he went to the movies with his 'girlfriend.'"

"Oh honey who's this?" Lea asked.

"Oh! This is Tommy, Tommy Ratliff, he's Adam's bass player and one of my friends, he's been letting me stay with him, and I just thought it would be nice to have him tag along…"

"Hi, I'm Lea, Joe's mom obviously, come on in both of you…"

They entered the house and Joe introduced Tommy to the others, and hugged both of his brothers, it had been almost 2 years since he had seen them. A lot had happened. He told them about what had gone on between Adam and himself, they all showed there sympathy, he had confirmed he was still going to be gay, even though his first relationship didn't work it wasn't like Adam was some experiment. They had been in the middle of dinner when Paul entered Joe's stomach did flip.

"Whose Red mustang is outside?" He asked from the foyer before entering and stopping in his tracks at the sight of Joe and Tommy. Joe stood up and said,

"Okay I'm sorry if you don't want me here, and before you jump to conclusions, this is Tommy and he is not my boyfriend, he's straight and strictly a friend."

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed a place to stay…"

"Why, did you get tired of sucking cock?" His father spat.

"Dad please, Adam and I are over, he left me…"

"But you're still gay?"

"Yes."

"Then no you are not staying here I'm not exposing Bradley to your lifestyle…"

"My lifestyle? I'm not a man whore, or a male stripper, so what is so bad?"  
FCC  
"The whole gay situation."

"Please dad, I promise to not have a boy friend under your roof and I promise not to go to gay bars under your roof, and I promise not to show any affection towards the same sex under your roof, I just need my family right now please…"

"As good as that little speech was, no…Joe I don't want a homosexual freak living under my roof."

"I'm not a freak! I'm your son, and I'm sorry if you don't approve of me! I just wanted someone to love me!"

"Well no one is going to love a gay obsessive freak, Adam didn't love you apparently after you swore he did, and our deal was you can't come crying back to us after he leaves you remember?"

"Dad…" He croaked his voice breaking.

"LEAVE NOW! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!" Paul said.

Joe stood quickly and ran out of the house quickly Tommy followed suit.

"Joe wait!" Tommy said.

"No! I'm not going to let him hurt me anymore!"

"Joe…"

"Just get in the car I knew this wasn't going to work."

Tommy climbed in and they sped off,

"I wish someone could accept me for who I am… I mean I would give anything in the world to get my dad to accept me and actually be my dad again, I mean we never were that close but I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days, I miss how he would tell me he was proud of me… I won't ever get that again, my dad's and mom's praise are the two highest things I can get… and now I won't ever get them again."

"I know what you mean… my dad was always there for me he actually practically raised me my mom was a drug addict, and an alcoholic, and when my dad got terminal cancer when I was 15, he died not a month later, I would give anything to hear his voice again."

"Wow… that's even worse than what I had to go through…"

There was a silence that took over the car until Joe broke it.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know how much more I can take…. No one wants me, no one loves me…no one cares enough to love me…I mean fighting for our country it really boosts your self esteem but when I came back here, it seemed like it was worse than being in that war zone… I would rather take a beating any day than have Adam come back and tell me he doesn't love me anymore…that was just like a smack in the face… it hurt me so much."

"I'm sorry…"

"I know but still someone giving me sympathy isn't needed, I don't need any more sympathy it doesn't do a damn thing! I mean it does say that you have their support somewhat but still, someone can be sorry and it can mean nothing… so sympathy doesn't help me one fucking bit, so whatever you do don't tell me your sorry…"

"Joe you are a strong man I know you'll get through this… I know you'll move on no doubt what Adam did was kind of low, but still you can take the pain… you've been shot and bruised whipped and punched, verbally abused and physically abused, you're not dead yet. You can get through it."

"That doesn't mean it won't always have a lasting effect on me…"

"I didn't say it wouldn't affect you I said you are strong enough to get through it."

"I hope so… you know war is nothing you want to be in… war with anything… rather it be love, physically war, or war within yourself, I mean your torn between two sides and you know only one side can win… and it just tears people apart… having been through two wars in less than 2 days really gives you a blow to the head… it makes you go crazy… so I'm sorry if I was off earlier… or if I have been off… It's just been hard."

"Oh don't worry it's okay… you don't need to worry… you have the total right to be an emotion wreck…I'll be with you the whole time don't worry. I won't leave you out in the cold… anyway I don't plan on getting married ever... so don't worry. I'll be behind you the whole time…"

"Thanks, that means the world to me right now, I just hope you don't change your mind later, I mean others have so why not you too?"


	10. The Truth

Chapter 9~  
The Truth

When they get back in L.A…

At sunset, off of the L.A. shore. Adam and Sauli are running along the beach like children the sun has almost set when Adam turns to Sauli…

"Sauli honey… I know we've been together for 4 months now, almost 5 but there isn't a flaw I can find in you. You're the most amazing person that I have ever meant; you have a beautiful smile that lights up my world, you have the most dazzling emerald eyes that I get lost in so easily and the most fun loving, yet laid back personality, you're up for almost anything and you love shopping, you never put me down or tell me I can't do anything unless you know that my outfit absolutely would embarrass me that day. I find my paradise when I look into your eyes, and I can't think of a better person I would want to spend eternity with… I promise I won't change my mind ever again…like I did with Joe, I will want you forever, so please..." Adam got down on one knee.

"Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?" Adam asked.

Sauli was speechless; he had tears coming to his eyes as he nodded his head franticly…

"YES! Yes! Yes Adam I will! Yes!"

Adam kissed Sauli lovingly as he slipped the ring on his finger.

"The nerve of him!" Joe said angry as he threw the engagement party invitation across the room before putting his head down and crying.

"Hey what's going on?"

"Did you see that?" He pointed to the black and white invitation that was against the wall…

"Oh… you got one?"

"Yeah…"

"I guess he just wanted to let you know, he probably doesn't expect you to come."

"He didn't need to ask him so soon…"

"Oh I was counting on him asking this guy the week after their first date."

"Not helping!" Joe said.

"I know… I'm sorry…"

"No… it's fine…I need to move on and the first step in doing this is going to this party, and congratulating them, drinking on it."

"Yeah… oh and I should probably tell you I'm in charge of planning the bachelor party for Adam… You know since he never had one when you guys got married they thought that it would be cool to give him one now."

"Ughhh! Fine leave me out of it!"

"Alright… I was just hoping you would join… you know… because you're moving on…"

"Probably not."

"Whatever you say."

At the Engagement Party

"There's the happy couple! I brought someone else along with me!" Tommy said cheerfully.

"Oh Joe! You came…"

"Yeah is that okay?" He couldn't help but put the edge in his voice. Tommy noticed and was sure to scold him later.

"Well come on in!" Sauli smiled, so innocent, and naïve Joe thought.

"Alright… well we have ribs, and some other barbeque Monte's making outside, Lisa, Leila, and Cam are all talking about the wedding plan, I mean Cam's second major is wedding planning. So she's doing the wedding for us!"

"Cool…" Joe tried not to sound hurt. More guests came and the house was filling up, Adam and Joe hadn't talked since he had come that night. Sauli was having a good time as was Tommy, and Adam, Joe sat in the corner of the room, and didn't say anything. He sipped on his beer wishing he could get drunk and just forget it ll. Though he knew that wasn't appropriate at an Engagement party, so he tried to control himself. Tommy came over after spotting him.

"Hey there you are what's going on?"

"Noting I want to go home soon…"

"Okay… whatever."

"I don't want to be here, can I have the keys?"

"How will I get home?"

"Monte or Lisa will give you a ride I bet! Please can I just leave?

"No… I don't' think they can, can't you just wait?"

"I don't want to wait ."

"Please…"

"Joe suck it up I thought you said you wanted to get over him."

"Well apparently I'm not ready to let go!"

"Joe… he's getting married you have to…"

"I don't want to!" Joe shouted.

"You Need To!" A voice said from beside them… Joe looked over to see Adam looking at him with fire in his eyes,

"Joe, I already told you I didn't love you, you need to get over it!" This struck something in Joe that made him bubble over. Adam turned to walk beck to Sauli. Standing up kicking his chair back furiously, he stood planted right behind Joe, his breath ragged and shallow.

"DID A WHOLE YEAR MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?" Joe asked full of rage, he had started and he wasn't going to stop yet.

"DID OUR MARRIAGE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? IT TOOK YOU A YEAR TO FINIALY ASK ME OUT AND THEN ANOTHER TO ASK ME TO MARRY YOU DID OUR VOWS MEAN NOTHING? DID YOU EVER EVEN LOVE ME AT ALL? WAS I JUST FILLER? WAS I JUST A FUCKING EXPERAMENT! WERE YOU JUST PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS?"

"Joe, stop, and leave it alone, now, just come on…" Tommy coaxed. "Let's get home."

"No! HE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS! NOW THAT THAT'S OUT I JUST HAVE ONE THING LEFT TO SAY, AND THEN I'll GET OUT OF YOUR LIFE. I NEED TO TELL YOU ONE THING! I HOPE YOU ARENT' USING SAULI! BECAUSE QUITE FRANKLY ANYONE WOULD BE LUCKY TO MARRY HIM SO I HOPE YOU DON'T LOOSE HIM!"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Adam shouted.

"NO! NOT UNTIL YOU GET THE POINT!"

"OH I GET THE FUCKING POINT! I WOULD NEVER LOOSE SAULI! I LOVE HIM! WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE! GET OVER THE FACT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU AND TRY TO LET SOME ONE ELSE BE HAPPY!" Adam said. Before Joe could say anything else, Adam's fist collided with his face.

"Get out before I call the police for trespassing."

Joe was trying to comprehend what had just happened, his nose was bleeding and his lip and face felt numb…

"I'm sorry." Joe whispered.

Tommy put a hand on Joe's back and led him out of that house. He walked him to the car, and helped him inside, Joe didn't talk the whole way home, but he knew that he was crying. Getting back to Tommy's apartment, Joe went to his room and stripped his shirt, and pants pulling on a pair of gray sweats, he could feel his face bruising. It hurt like bitch, but all he wanted to do was sleep.


	11. Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You

Chapter 10  
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You?

He tried to sleep, but he couldn't he decided to play something, so grabbing the only instrument he still owned he picked it up. His black acoustic guitar was his music obsession, he couldn't live without it anymore, since he had gotten back from the war, he had played whenever he had free time. Plucking around at the guitar strings for a while he got an idea pulling out a notebook from underneath his pillow he began to write.

I remember the way you made love to me  
Like I was all you'd ever need  
Did you change your mind  
Well I didn't change mine  
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all  
We were best friends now we don't even talk  
You broke my heart  
Ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you  
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby  
I gave you everything, every part of me  
Didn't you feel it when I touched you  
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby  
Baby, tell me  
Didn't you know how much I loved you

I can't get you out of my head  
I still feel you in this bed  
Left me all alone  
You couldn't be more gone  
From falling apart to fighting mad  
From wanting you back to not giving a damn  
I've felt it all  
I've been to the wall

Didn't you know how much I loved you  
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby  
I gave you everything, every part of me  
Didn't you feel it when I touched you  
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby  
Baby, tell me  
Didn't you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you  
And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn't you know how much I loved you  
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby  
I gave you everything, every part of me  
Didn't you feel it when I touched you  
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby  
Baby, tell me By. Kellie Pickler Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You

Joe finished the song, and he had tears streaming down his face just from writing it. He couldn't explain how much this meant to him, it was exactly what he wanted to walk up to Adam and say, even after that night he had just had, he couldn't deny the feelings he still had for Adam. These feelings weren't just going to disappear that easily either, it was going to be a painful drawn out process. He knew it. He placed his hands on the guitar neck and began to play, he felt his emotions pour out through the sound of his soft singing voice and the strings of his guitar. He hadn't even noticed Tommy entering the room to stop and listen. As soon as he finished playing the song he had just written, he broke down in tears, he couldn't hold all of this back anymore, he had cried a lot over the past few days over Adam and he really just wanted to stop. There was still just so much there, so much he hadn't let him think about until now, all the memories they had, all the love they once had, and he would never find again. He was beginning to feel dizzy from crying so much, he felt two strong arms wrap around him, enveloping him and not letting go. Tommy, that was his only thought. He knew Tommy wouldn't mind so he went and buried his face in his shirt. Tommy rubbed his back, like he did every night when Joe was like this.

"That was an amazing song, why are you so upset?"

"Adam…" Joe whimpered.

"Oh…"

"There's just so much we had… and so much I wanted to do… he promised he would always be there for me…and I go away for a year, to fight in the military. While I'm fighting for him, working and running my ass off so that I won't die, so I can come home and see HIM he's fucking some toned, blond elf, no offense…"

"Hey, I'm not toned I'm a pale vampire, so I don't take offense to that…"

"Good…that would be the last thing I wanted to do to you…I'm sorry I'm like this… I mean it's not fair. You invited me into your home without paying rent, and you drive me everywhere, and do everything while I just sit here and cry on your shoulder."

"Hey you do more than that… you cook dinner every night, you do the laundry, I mean really, this place is like 10x more sanitary now that you're here! Your kind of like a wife if you think about it…I mean very emotional, cook, clean, bake, and you sing while you do those things!"

"Oh well that's flattering!"

"Well come on wifey you need to get to bed and so do I it's 12:35 and I have an early morning acoustic interview to do with Mr. Glam so come on!"

"Alright..."


	12. Good News Turns Bad

~Chapter 11  
Good News Turns Bad

The next morning…

Joe woke up and walked out to the kitchen, groggily wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

Hey man how are you feeling um.. I'm good…"

"Hey you know that song you wrote yesterday, I think you should record it and release it on the radio…"

"Why?"

"It was really good and I know that you won't be able to heal until you tell him how you really feel…believe me I know."

"Tommy, I don't even have a record company any more, besides I think that this is more of a female-vocal song."

"You were singing it last night and as far as I'm concerned you are a man, unless there's something that you're hiding from me…"

"NO! And that was just rude…"

Tommy smirked and nodded. "Yeah right."

"Shut up!" Joe smiled and clapped Tommy in the back of the head.

"You know, I bet I could get you into a session with RCA"

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"Oh come on, I know people who know people."

"Well if you can get me a session then I'll go in and record it, but you know once I release this the fans might want more, if they like it that is…"

"Well don't you want to get back into the music? I mean you do need a distraction…"

"Well I guess you're right, then again you usually are… so I guess so!

"YES!" I bet if we call I can get you in today, I mean if you want to …"

"Well you're just going to be annoying If I don't agree so whatever,"

"Okay, and really I think this could be an instant hit!"

The next weeks went as followed…

Interview, Interview, Performance, Radio, Radio, Radio, iTunes #1 Party, Billboard Interview, Radio, GMA, Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen, Performance, Radio, Radio, Performance, People Interview, Meeting, Meeting, Today Show, The View, Radio, Meeting…and then finally Home.

Joe came home at 4:30 one night and had a smile spread across his face, Tommy looked up from the Guitar catalog he was browsing through.

"Wow, you sure seem happy about something."

"Guess who gets to perform at the AMA's?"

"They asked you?"

"Yep after Foo Fighters had to cancel they decided since I was coming back onto the scene, and everyone like the new single they would ask me!"

"That's awesome!"

"I know! I can't wait."

"It's good to see a real smile on your face, I don't know when the last time it was that I saw it."

"But you know…Adam…is going to be there…" Tommy said becoming serious.

"What? I checked the list…"

"He called me right before you got here…"

"But what if…he…what if Sauli… how am I…"

"You can do this…don't worry."

"But what about Sauli."

"Pretend he's not there, and besides, you wanted Adam to hear this, as far as I know he hasn't heard it… he said to congratulate you on knocking him out from his #1 spot on Billboard."

"Yeah sure he did. Why does he have to ruin everything?"

"Joe, don't let him ruin it for you…he's not worth it…" Tommy said standing to watch Joe walk to his room.

"Yes he is!" Joe said angrily.

"You don't understand! You didn't know him like I did, you weren't the one he told you he didn't love anymore! You don't understand I loved him! You don't understand so don't you dare tell me he's not worth it!" Joe said tears returning to his eyes, "He was everything to me! He was my best friend, the only reason I kept myself going through that war was so I could see him! He was my everything and he promised he's be waiting for me…" Joe shouted before he collapsed to the floor in tears.

"I'm so sorry Tommy…I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me! I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay…It's okay…" Tommy said coming over to him and helping him up. Joe wiped his eyes,

"I'm going to go to bed…sorry…" He said not looking at Tommy.


	13. Breaking Point

Chapter 12  
Breaking Point

The next morning…

Joe came down the stairs to see Tommy standing at the bottom of the stair well, in a tux.

"Wow, who are you trying to impress?"

"You…"

"What?"

"I assume you'll be needing an escort to the AMA's and I'm available."

"Tommy your straight aren't you?"

"Oh please what straight man can make out with another man, sober, almost every night for 10 months?"

"Your gay?"

"Yep!"

"And I didn't know until now why?"

"I don't know this seemed like the best time, but only you know the truth… so don't go blabbing to everyone else…"

"Okay, well in that case, yes, you may escort me to the AMA's next Wednesday night."

"You do know we won't be able to sit together, I'll have to sit with Adam, and the others."

"Oh…okay."

"Yeah… I bet you'll get a good seat to though, I mean last year we got to sit near Paul McCartney."

"Yeah, and the last time I went I got to sit with my brothers, I certainly hope I get a better seat." Joe laughed.

"Well you have a Radio interview at 9 so you better get going."

"I guess so."

Next week…

Joe stepped out of the limo, Tommy and he had talked and laughed and joked about each other's outfits the whole ride, and Tommy had complained that his jacket was to itchy, and to tight.

"JOE! JOE! OVER HERE! JOE DID YOU BRING A DATE?" Joe laughed and said.

"No, but he's my best friend and in Adam's band, he decided to ride along… remember he's straight!" Joe said trying to hide the smirk. Tommy stepped out of the Limo and they made their way inside. Joe had been talking to Ryan Secreast when he saw Sauli and Adam a few meters away.

"Well it's been nice speaking to you Ryan but I think it's about time to go find our seats! Going to start soon!" Joe said with a smile.

"Yes, thanks for talking… I'm going to go catch Taylor before she heads in." Ryan said.

Tommy grabbed Joe by his jacket and pulled him away from Adam because he could tell he was on the verge of break down.

"It's okay.. Joe calm down if you can't stand being a few meters away from him, then how the hell are you going to perform that song without breaking down?"

"I don't know…"

"Now the show starts soon… collect yourself and find your seats, I'll see you after you perform."

Joe nodded and took some deep breaths, stepping out from the shadows with Tommy. He had a good 15 minutes before the show started, and he had a pretty good seat, even if it was separated from the RCA label, Behind him sat, Carrie Underwood, and her husband Mark, and in front of him sat Jason Aldean and Brad Paisley and his wife Kimberly. How did he get put in the group with all these country singers? Though he must admit, they were extremely nice and supportive, and good to converse with, he was a fan of all their works and told them that, Brad gave him a good laugh, and Carrie was a sweetheart. They all commented on his new song and he was flattered by it. Then the show began.

He had 6 numbers before he had to go on, as in 4 awards and a performance, he was nervous as hell and as he walked towards the backstage area he saw Tommy give him a thumbs up, but then his eyes wandered to the PDA that Adam and Sauli were doing, it made him want to revolt all he had eaten prior. He prayed that they didn't decide to do it while he was singing. He took his place behind the screen with the electric guitar on his lap, positioning his fingers he waited for the count in… 3,2,1…

I remember the way you made love to me like that was all you'd ever need did you change your mind? Well I didn't change mine.

He kept his eyes adverted out to the crowd trying to look anywhere except were Adam was. He kept his gaze on Tommy, most of the time who he could tell was nodding along with the smooth beat. Then he felt himself lose sight of him eyes darting trying to keep himself from looking at Adam, whom he could find easily.

You ripped my world apart…Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby, his eyes found Adam and Sauli, they were cuddling.

"I gave you everything every part of me… didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby? Baby tell me didn't you know how much I loved you?" He felt the tears well up in his eyes… shit not now he thought. He had to compose himself. He closed his eyes for a second and finished out the chorus opening them, his eyes wandered right back to Adam, who was now nuzzling against Sauli's neck not even acknowledging him. This made his emotions go haywire. Handing his guitar off to a stage hand he stood up and kept singing. His voice quivered.

I can't get you out of my head, I still feel you in this bed, left me all alone you couldn't be more gone, from falling apart, to fighting mad, From wanting you back tonight to not giving a damn I've felt it all… Joe looked out once again to find Adam kissing up Sauli's neck and Sauli giggling. "Damn it Adam listen to me!" He said before he could think about what he was saying. Adam's head snapped up as that oh so familiar, but now angry voice said his name and it echoed through the Arena.

Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby, I gave you everything every part of me, didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby! Baby tell me! Didn't you know how much I loved you… his voice broke giving into his emotions, he felt so weak up on that stage.

One day justice will come and find you… and I'll be right there in your memory to remind you… he let his head drop against the mic stand the music paused, he heard applause and cheers sound through the arena, his breath was caught back in his throat, he felt like he was going to break down on that stage right there, but he couldn't he had to get through this song… the music had paused, but as Joe lifted his head, and he looked straight to Adam.

Didn't you know how much I loved you didn't you know how much I loved you baby…I gave you everything every part of me! Didn't you feel it when I touched you didn't I rock you when I loved you baby…baby tell me…didn't you know how much I loved you…" He choked out the last few words as a standing ovation rang through the arena. He practically threw the mic down as he ran off the stage, pushing past all the others around him, escaping down a hall that led to the dressing rooms, he heard someone behind him. They spoke as they ran.

"Joe wait!" Adam said.

That was the last thing Joe wanted to do. Anyway, how the fuck did he get back here so fast? He ran faster to his dressing room. He didn't care if Adam found him now, he just wanted to curl up and cry, he couldn't handle this. He knew it was a bad idea.

Arriving at his destination he collapsed to the floor in a fit of tears, he heard the door swing open and someone shout "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WTH YOU!" Joe looked up to see Adam.

"What do you mean what the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you is my question!"

"Oh nothing is wrong with me! This is your fault! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"What exactly is my fault? Tell me what I did to you?"

"You left me! You left me! After you promised that you would come back! You fucking promised me that you would be back when I came home. You promised and then you kissed me, with tears in your eyes, I used to be your best friend, I used to be everything you ever wanted, you would hold me and kiss me and make me feel like I was the only one, you made me feel like I was the only one you had eyes for, and you made me feel like I was the only one you would ever love. I left everything for you… I came out to my family lost them, and my career; I left it all for you… because you promised you wouldn't leave me! And now look where I am! I am living with Tommy, who's not really even associated with me, but he is my best friend now, and I have no family, and I'm just starting my career, I hate you for it!"

"No you don't, if you did you wouldn't have yelled at me to listen you still love me."

"FUCK YOU!" Joe shouted before stomping towards the door.

"You can if you want, but I think Sauli would get mad."

"Shut up!" Joe shouted.

"I hate you, I hate you! I hate you!" Joe repeated anguish flared from his eyes.

"You love me…"

"I CAN'T HELP IT!" Joe said tears streaming from his already puffy red eyes.

"I hate myself for loving you! Every single time this happens, I commit to someone and then they find someone better, sometimes before sometimes after we break up… it hurts when it's before, because they put on their fake smile, and there fake love charade, and you just go along with it, because you want to believe that they still love you…it hurts so god damn much, and yet I let myself fall anyway. I'm so fucking stupid! I loved you so much!"

"Joe-"

"NO! It's my turn to talk!"

"I loved you so much and you ripped my heart to pieces. I thought when you married me, that for once love was actually working out…but no I should have known better…" Joe turned away and dropped his head. "How long had you been seeing him before I left?"

Adam looked astonished. "How did you-"

"After almost 8 failed times I should be able to tell, now answer the damn question."

"A year."

"So we hadn't even had sex yet, out whole relationship has been a lie, the whole time, and you didn't even stop me before you took my virginity? You're so sick!" Joe shouted.

"And had you fucked Sauli yet?"

"No, I didn't fuck him we made love!"

"So that's it, you fucked me, and made love to him?"

"No!"

"Then who did you fuck because you can't make love to two people at once!" Joe shouted.

"You… I fucked you…"

"I loved you so much…"

"I'm sorry." Adam said.

"I hate you!"

"Joe please, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry for what? Being an arrogant dick? A cheating husband, or just a sick basterd in general.

"I loved you so fucking much!" Joe said before turning and running out the door, Tommy stood outside of it, he looked as if he had been about to open it but was cut off either by shouting, name calling, or just him opening it instead

He took one look at Joe and opened his arms for him Joe fell into them and kissed his forehead,

"Not here, not here you don't." Tommy said leading him to the waiting car. Joe sat in the back seat nestled into the crook of Tommy's left side, as he rubbed his back and soothingly whispered calming words to him.

"H-he cheated on me…"

"He thought you were dead…"

"No! he really did cheat on me he admitted it! He told me that! He told me Sauli and he had been dating for a year, and he knew about me…even after we were married, he even admitted to having sex with him before me… and I-he-he didn't even…he, I gave him everything…I really thought I was special to him… he told me I was… he took everything…he took my first virginity…and then he…with Sauli…" Joe couldn't finish his sentences.

"Shhh I know calm down it'll be okay…it doesn't mean you're a bad person…"

"But now I can never get it back…"

"I know…"

"I just loved him so much…" Joe said before letting his head fall.


	14. You Love Me?

Chapter 13  
You Love Me?

Tommy had just unlocked the door to the apartment, and gotten Joe inside, they now stood face to face with one and other.

"I'm so sorry for what Adam did…I can't believe how shallow he was earlier, and I can see why you'd be so upset… but Joe…you really need to learn to handle this stuff better, I'm going on tour with Adam soon, and I won't be here for the days that your sobbing in the corner about ot push yourself to far… I'll be a phone call away, but sometimes that's not even enough."

"I know…"

"Joe… can I tell you something, I don't know if you're ready to hear it, but I need to say it…I've been waiting for almost 2 ½ years to say it and honestly I can't hide it anymore."

"What?" He said in a scratchy voice.

"I love you…" Tommy said looking into Joe's dazzling eyes.

"Tommy…I- I'm not ready…I'm sorry, I like you but…I just…"

Tommy put a finger to his lips. "Shhh let me know when you're ready, I swear I'll be waiting, I'm not like Adam… I've only had one boyfriend in my life, and we were together for a year and a half, but then he went into a coma after that mountain bus accident in Toronto, and he never woke up…I promise to treat you right, I've been here this long and I don't plan on leaving any time soon."

"That's what Adam told me."

"Shhh…when you feel ready just tell me…" Tommy cooed softly, suddenly Joe felt this urge come over him and he couldn't stop himself his lips pressed harshly against Tommy's, intertwining his fingers through Tommy's hair he forced his tongue through his mouth, tasting every inch of him. His tongue dwindled licking the roof, and the underside of his tongue. Tommy, finial fought through the strong barrier of Joe's and slinked his tongue in dominating Joe as he pushed him against a wall. Joe pulled away for a breath.

Joe smiled and said "I think I'm ready…just never let me go…" Joe whispered to Tommy before thrusting his tongue back into Joe's mouth, and began playing tonsil hockey. Joe opened his eyes just in time to see Tommy open his too, brown staring into mocha, he kissed forcefully, but he could still feel Tommy's lips closing to form a smile. They pulled away breathlessly, Tommy realized they had made it to the couch. He sat up on Joe straddling him.

"Tommy."

"Joe…"

"I love you… but how long have you loved me?"

"Ever since Adam brought you to meet us, that September 2nd, in that mini bar in Dallas."

"You even remember the day…?" Joe said astonished.

"Well I really liked you…"

"I like you too…but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a full on relationship…I mean what will Adam say?"

"It doesn't matter, he has Sauli, if he wanted you he should have kept you." Tommy placed a soft kiss on his nose, Joe's stomach fluttered, he had always wanted to be kissed on the nose lovingly. And Tommy had just done it without even knowing. "Because there are plenty of other guys who would love to have a chance with you and I happen to be one of them." He said with a smile, he was sitting on Joe's lap being the smaller one, but it only made it sweeter.

"What about the tour?" Joe asked Tommy.

"Well now that I know you feel the same about me, you're coming with me! Adam said I could bring my girlfriend, but I don't have one so I'll bring you! You're my boyfriend aren't you?" Tommy asked.

"I guess…"

"Great, but I don't think Adam should know about this yet." Tommy said. Joe nodded vigorously in agreement.

Three Weeks Later, last Tour Rehearsal,

Adam's tour rehearsals ended that Monday, before they were to head out on the road on Tuesday. Tommy and Joe had decided to keep their relationship a secret until Sauli and Adam married, which would be on the Tours first break. Today Tommy decided to bring him along for a sneak peak, though the only reason Joe was there was to stare at Tommy the whole time.

"Alright babe, remember no PDA after we get in here…"

"I know!" Joe said smiling and untangling his fingers from Tommy's.

"Now, since we can't do it in there, lets get it out of the way here." Tommy said shoving Joe against the side of the building and thrusting his tongue down Joe's throat. Joe reached in to place a hand on Tommy's jaw. Kissing him deeply he pulled away staring into his Mocha colored eyes.

"Let's go, tour waits…" Tommy said

"Do you really think he'll let me come with you?" Joe asked following behind Tommy.

"Well he better anyway, he know that I've been watching you and I'll just tell him it's his fault, and your still a bit emotionally unstable, and need a friend so your coming with me instead of my girlfriend cause I don't have one.

"I hope it works."

"Oh it will, he's so blind half the time, and then the other half he has x-ray vision it seems."

"I know right!" Joe said.

"Well you can just sit in the audience, We should be done pretty quickly, and behave around Sauli please."

"I'll try." Joe muttered.

"You will do more than try you will!" Tommy ordered becoming seirous.

"Fine dad…"

"I mean it Joe."

"Okay, I will. Go!"

Joe sat a fair distance away from Sauli, to maintain himself. Joe politely smiled at him, but nothing more. After rehearsal Adam pulled Tommy backstage.

"What the hell man, why is Joe here?" He said.

"Well um… he is still highly emotionally unstable, and well yeah, he kind of can't be alone, so he will be coming on tour with us as well hope you don't mind!"

"What the hell?"

"Yep, if your jelous, you should have done3 your research!"

"Wait I never said."

"Sure you did, you said we could bring a spouse or a family member along, your letting Monte, and Issac bring there wives and kids, your bringing Sauli, so why can't I bring Joe along?"

"Has Cam agreed to this?"

"Oh she's happy he's coming along, she said she had no problem with it."

"Fuck…" He muttered.

"Thanks! See you tomorrow bright and early at 5!" Tommy smirked and went to go get Joe.

"So what did he say?"

"Well he said yes, cause I made him, but I'm warning you he's not very pleased with it."

"Fuck him."

"Good point."

"Well we have an early morning babe, we better get going." Tommy said, refraining from kissing him quickly. Tommy almost reached for his hand, but remembered and fought the urge.


	15. Can't Fight This Feeling

Chapter 14  
Can't Fight This Feeling

Joe sat on the couch in the tour bus. It was about time for sound check to be up and he was just writing some new lyrics, once again it was a desperate love song, he was still trying to get over Adam and he had another number one hit on his hands that he could use to do it. Tommy came in without him noticing he was so wrapped up in his work,

"Hey, babe." He sat down next to him.

"Oh hey…" Joe said with little enthusiasm.

"On no…what's going on?"

"I want to put an album together, and I don't have any money for songwriters, my dad managed to turn the company on me, they said I could make another record, and a music video with there money, but they said that I would have to write all the songs by myself and have at least 3 of them become billboard #1."

"Wow…so what's the problem you're an amazing song writer."

"I can't do it! I can't write! I can't write anything that isn't based around, Adam! I don't want to stay hung up on him. I can't do this! It hurts too much I don't love him anymore, i- it's I it's so hard."

"Oh honey, it's okay. I love you… it's alright."

"No it's not alright! It's not okay! It's just not! It's not okay."

"I love you…. I love you so much…you're going to be okay...calm down it's gonna be alright,"

"No! It's not! I should have listened to my dad! I should have given up when he gave me the chance. I should have, I should have…"

"No, no you're an amazing man who deserves nothing that your dad, or Adam has done to you, you only deserve the best…don't beat yourself up about this, come on, let me see what you were working on…" Tommy pulled him onto the couch and grabbed his notebook from the table opening to the page Joe was last working on and sat it in his lap. Tommy read off of it, well sang… to the best of his ability.

Easy come, easy go  
That's just how you live, oh  
Take, take, take it all  
But you never give  
Should've known you was trouble  
From the first kiss  
Had your eyes wide open  
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, you did  
To give me all your love  
Is all I ever asked  
Cause what you don't understand  
Is  
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight through my brain  
Yes, I would die for you, baby  
But you won't do the same  
No, no, no, no  
Black, black, black and blue  
Beat me 'til I'm numb  
Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from  
Mad man, bad boy  
That's just what you are  
Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car  
Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did  
To give me all your love  
Is all I ever asked  
Cause what you don't understand  
Is I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight through my brain  
Yes, I would die for you, baby  
But you won't do the same  
If my body was on fire  
You would watch me burn down in flames  
You said you loved me, you're a liar  
Cause you never ever ever did, baby  
But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight through my brain  
Yes I would die for you baby  
But you won't do the same  
No, you won't do the same  
You wouldn't do the same  
Ooh, you'd never do the same  
Oh, no no no

"Damn baby this is really good, where in the hell do you come up with this stuff?"

"I don't know it just happens, but see every single song in this is about Adam, I don't want a whole album about him, he's a dick."

"Well think of it like this, you could name it 'The Dick' and put a picture of him on the front of it."

"I should you know that…"

"That would put him in his place,"

"That would be really mean though, I mean he's getting married, I agreed to the divorce."

"So what, he was un-faithful and un-loyal."

"I love him."

"But what about me?"

"Tommy I love you but I just can't get over him… I need help."

"That's right, that's why I want you to get into therapy."

"No! I don't want to! I want to stay with you! I can't not now, please I just can't not now!"

"Joe, I really don't think it's a good idea to go overseas, with Adam and Sauli, when they are going to get married, I don't think it's a good idea to have you at the wedding."

"You don't want me there?"

"No, I do want you there, I just don't think that your still unsteady when the topic of Adam occurs so it would be better to stay back, even if he invites you."

"You can't make decisions for me! Who do you think you are!"

"Oh I certainly can, especially when you are so emotionally unstable,"

"No! No! Tommy I need you, you can't leave me here! I don't have anyone anymore,"

"Ask your brothers, mom, dad?"

"You know my dad hates me, and my brothers aren't too keen on my orientation either, my mom is sick right now, and she can't do much, so your all I have."

"Well maybe you should find yourself some other friends, I mean you refuse to come places with my friends and I,"

"Because your friends are drug addicts,"

"And you've never smoked a joint."

"A few times, but not as much as your friends do!"

"Fine I'll give you that one, but what about the people who used to be in your band? That Garbage guy, and that Jack Black dude."

"Garbo and Jack? They are both married and trying to start families, besides they haven't heard from me in a few years."

"So, can't you just-"

"No! I can't do this without you, please, will you at least stay for my first counseling session, you are my boyfriend after all, and the only part of support I have."

"Fine, if I do that do you promise to stay in the sessions until we figure out what's wrong?"

"You think there's something wrong with me?"

"No!"

"That's what you just said!"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Than what did you mean?"

"I mean, you've been acting kind of odd lately, like not yourself at all! You're hot, then your cold,"

"Please, no need for a song."

"Shut up, I really need you to listen to me, I mean it you've been acting strange lately, I mean you're still you, but different. You like are having these mood swings, like one minute your all giddy and happy and positive you're over Adam and the next I find you crying on the bathroom floor, because Adam and Sauli were making out again, and I mean look at you now, when I knew you before you went to war, you always were hot headed, and had a small attention span it seemed, but now, you just seem anxious, and almost reckless, I mean really, your all lovey and kissy one moment and the next your pushing me away. Every predicament that come up it seems like you go to the worst possible circumstance and you seem to be a bit more irritable lately."

"I am not irritable!"

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm not irritable! I just don't want to be bothered!"

"Joe, we have a 10:30AM flight tomorrow, just get some sleep, we can talk to a therapist when we get there."

"Okay,"

"Good, now stay put, I'm going to tell Adam that I'll be staying for a week longer and to get a replacement, but only one week."

"Okay…hurry, I can't sleep without you." Tommy nodded, empathy rising for his boyfriend. Tommy came closer and kissed his cheek before walking out of the room to go talk to Adam who was next door, hopefully not fucking Sauli at the moment, though he didn't hear anything he highly doubted that was the case.

"Tommy? Is something wrong?" Adam said as he answered the door.

"No, not really, I just need to take a week off, I'm bringing Joe back to L.A. I don't think it's safe for him to be around you and Sauli, he's going to snap sometime soon. So I talked to him about therapy, he reluctantly agreed, after a long time, and told me he would go as long as I came with him to his first and second appointments, since they are starting now, and we have a flight tomorrow, and the tour doesn't start till next week we'll be fine for the first session, but when tour starts you're going to need a replacement for the first 5 shows."

"Why?"

"Because Joe needs me."

"Tommy, do you honestly think he loves you? Your just his rebound off of me he never honestly cared, I mean come on, he still hasn't gotten over me, it's been almost 6 months!"

"6 months isn't a very long time, remember how long it took me to get over Megan?"

"A year and a half."

"Exactly."

"Fine, but don't come to me, because all I'm gonna say is I Told You So!"

"You are heartless, Joe was right."

"Shut up!" Adam said.

"Sorry, I was just stating a fact. The reason I'm putting him in therapy is because of you, you became a trigger for him, after war, then you, you guys were so happy before he left, why did you go and cheat on him, don't pretend like you hadn't been seeing Sauli prior to him leaving, because I know you were."

"I don't know, I mean he never wanted to get in bed any more and-"

"Whoa, hold up. You couldn't get him in bed so you cheated on him?"

"No! That came out wrong."

"You know what Adam Mitchell Lambert? You are a Slut, you are a cheating, whoring, slut!" Tommy told him, and I'm not surprised, this is your lifestyle anyway, are you sure you should marry Sauli, "because I certainly don't have time to rehabilitate another one of your flicks." Tommy said before stomping back off to the room.

"Joe, I'm taking the week off, and we are going to have sex right now!" Tommy demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I want sex, I need it now!" Tommy said.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that…" Joe said before attacking his lips.

"Take that Adam" Tommy thought. "The Adam Lambert can't get him in bed, and I can!"

Tommy relaxed into the kiss and began participating, pushing Joe up he flipped him over, still relatively smaller than Joe, he managed to get his clothes off of him, and take full control by sucking on his sweet spots.

They finished making love, twice, by that time it was almost 12:30. Tommy went to take a shower, Joe went to do the same in the second bathroom. He got out first and went back to the bed, turning on his side towards the window, he covered himself and bunched up a ball of the comforter, it was from the bus, they took it to every hotel, mainly because they both liked how soft it was. Bunching it uo, he pulled it close to his face, he began to cry. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't stop. He didn't even hear Tommy come out and lay down, he was crying harder by then, he was shaking, and sobbing silently. Tommy noticed this and he climbed over him. And wrapped two small, yet strong arms around him.

"Hey, hey honey what's going on?"

"I-I don't know, I'm so confused, I love you… but it's just Adam… he I love you so much." Joe tripped over his words.

"What do you mean?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN! I CAN'T SAY IT! EVERY TIME I TRY IT COMES OUT ALL WRONG! EVERYTHING COMES OUT WRONG, I TRY TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M CRINGING AS I SAY IT AND I DON'T HAVE A HELL OF A CLUE WHY!"

"Joe, I have one question to ask you, and I want an honest answer. Do you still have feelings for Adam?"

"Yes." He answered without hesitation.

"Am I a rebound?"

"NO!"

"Think hard, are you sure?"

"I'm positive Tommy, I love you, with all my heart, it's just that, I mean I loved Adam to, and I mean I don't think you'd ever hurt me like he did it's just-"

"It's hard to trust after your hurt so bad."

"Yes."

"It's okay, I promise to never hurt you, I love you with all my heart, and I won't ever stop loving you… your amazing and Adam honestly, he's a dick, and he doesn't know what he's missing."

"Thank you, your all I've ever wanted… I guess Adam really is heartless."

"Yeah, he kind of is, and he's not worth the tears, so let's just go to bed now, then it's back home to L.A. in the morning."


	16. Therapy

Chapter 15  
Therapy

"Hello Dr. Anderson…" Tommy smiled at him.

"Hi Thomas, it's been a while."

"Tommy, and yes it has, I recommended you to my boyfriend, you helped me so much through everything, and I don't know, but… you know." Tommy shrugged towards Joe.

Dr. Anderson nodded and stepped forward.

"And who are you?" He asked kindly.

"Joseph, Joe, Joe Adam." He grumbled.

"Well do you want to come in and talk? Or would you rather me just talk to Tommy first?"

"Tommy, you can go first." Joe said.

"Alright, stay put." Tommy said.

"So, why did you recommend me to Joe?"

"Well, he's been acting odd lately, like really odd, and I know he's had these episodes before, because I noticed it on the Glam Nation tour with Adam. He used to be his boyfriend, and they would have their fights like every couple, the only thing was he acted weird, different, like he'd go crazy sometimes, and I'd have to go in and calm him down, cause he'd go off on Adam easily. Now he does that to me. And sometimes Adam would come to me, and tell me things about Joe, like, some weeks he would get really depressed, or some weeks he'd be bouncing off the walls, or even sometimes, daily for a week, he'd be bouncing around one hour and then the next he'd be crying in a bunk, it was confusing. And I know that he would sometimes have panic attacks because that's what Adam told me he was most worried about when Joe went off to war. He knew they would be put in some sticky situations and he was worried that something would happen. And it did, he was trapped in a 'hostage camp' for over 6 months, and then he came back and, Adam had found someone new, because he had thought Joe had died at war in those 6 months when he didn't come back with the rest of the troop members. Not to mention he had been cheating on him a year prior to the war...not that he knew that.

"Yeah, can you tell me some things that happened after Joe found out about Adam?"

"Well the night he got back he called me in tears, I remember being shocked because I thought he was dead too. I went after him and I found him sobbing in an alleyway. After that he stayed with me, the only way I can describe it was manic, the first week he barely ate, and he cried so much he got sick, he was so messed up, and I tried my hardest to make him okay. Other weeks he would be all high and mighty, all 'I'm over him, he's not worth my time, and I'm going to move on.' I think I messed it up even more by kissing him, he ran off and I didn't see him for a few days, he came back all battered and bruised, he apparently had been living on the street. It was horrible, but finally I managed to get him back into a livable state. It was hard watching him struggle with the loss, I gave him all the love I could, and then we started sleeping together, the first time it happened he had been really upset about something Adam had said to him when he called asking if he could get the comforter that he had left on the bed at 'his' house, and him saying no because he had thrown it out after something and Sauli had done. And him crying over it. It was heartbreaking. He begged me to make Adam stop hurting, and then he asked me to make love to him, so he could remember a new experience, and not the last one he had had, or seen with Adam. So I agreed. He was pleased and happy, and he told me he loved me, the next morning he was a mess though, he didn't look at me or talk to me, he wouldn't even look at me!"

"Do you blame him?"

"Not really, I just wish he loved me…"

"Why don't you think he does, it sounds like he just really wants to get over Adam, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

"Yeah, I know I'm just confused."

"It sounds like he is to, so in that case, I think the best thing for you to do, is offer support for now, and don't push him into anything you think, or know he isn't ready for… I also think it would be wise for you to stay here and not go overseas in the next week; he's going to need someone to tie him down."

"Well you see I kind of have too…I'm the best man for their wedding, and I swore to Adam I'd be there…"

"Hmm, this could be a problem."

"Does he have family nearby?"

"No, they disowned him after he came out."

"I see…well if you must go to the wedding, and then find someone for him to stay with while you're gone who he can trust, and you can trust."

"But he doesn't have any friends, besides me."

"Wow, you are tough, I guess your going to have to take him with you then."

"What?"

"Well I would defiantly not want him to be left alone in the state he's in, but I don't think it's wise for him to be at the wedding, I guess you'll just have to choose, go and take him, or not go at all, and displease this Adam character."

"But what about him attending the wedding?"

"Who knows maybe it'll put things in perspective for him…after all you mentioned once along the line he was invited…kind of."

"Yeah, I guess so…yeah."

"Well I guess that you have a decision to make, call me if you can't make it to these sessions, it'll be alright, we can reschedule and I'll see you next week." Tommy nodded, and shook Dr. Anderson's hand, walking out the door he found Joe sitting in his lonely spot in the corner, only this time there was a little girl with him. It was an adorable sight; it looked as if he was coloring a picture with her. Tommy walked over to them, Joe looked up.  
"Oh hey honey." Joe smiled looking up.  
"Trinity, this is Tommy, he's out of his session so I'm going to have to leave…" Joe said smiling at the little girl.  
"Okay… Thank you for coloring with me."  
"It was fun… maybe I'll get to meet your daddies next time."  
"I hope so!" She said.  
"You ready to go baby?" Joe asked Tommy."  
He nodded and took Joe's hand helping him stand up.  
"Bye Joe!" Trinity giggled as he turned to walk out.  
Joe smiled and waved over his shoulder before linking hands with his boyfriend.


	17. Heartfelt Words

Chapter 16  
Heartfelt Words

"So baby…I talked to the psychiatrist, and she told me that I can't leave you alone, so you're coming with me to the wedding.  
"Wait, what? Why?"  
"The Doc said so…"  
"But…I can't…what…I just can't."  
"Maybe it'll help put things in perspective for you…"  
"Excuse me?" Joe said, he didn't like what Tommy had just said.  
"I mean, maybe after this you'll realize that you don't love him anymore, and you'll actually love me…"  
"What the Hell Tommy?" Joe said angrily.  
"I do love you what the fuck are you suggesting?"  
"I'm just saying if you still can't stand to see your ex when it's been 5 months almost, then there's a problem. I'm sorry…"  
"Well Fuck You!" Joe said angrily staring out the window.  
"Alright, I'm done, I"m done with your attitude, you have been a bitch ever since we had sex the first time, do you even love me?"  
Joe was silent at that question.  
"I ASKED DO YOU LOVE ME AT ALL?"  
"Yes…" He trailed off.  
"Than you will come to this wedding without any fuss or crying."  
"Fine, deal…" Joe said.  
"Alright, and I expect you to be cheerful as well, and to congratulate them after wards, when we get home I want you to start packing."  
"Okay." Joe said to Tommy.


	18. Cowboy Casonova

Chapter 17  
Cowboy Casanova

Joe and Tommy got home and Joe began packing for there European Adventure, since that was where Adam and Sauli were getting married. The week went by quickly and they didn't do much, Joe stayed home and wrote more desperate love songs, and moped around having Tommy bark random orders at him to stay alive, and prepare for the wedding. The day that they were set to get on the plane to leave for Belgium (where the wedding would take place, Adam had enough money to pay for everyone who was going, to get over seas, and Sauli's parents wouldn't have to travel as far.)  
The Day finally came and Tommy was a wreck, "Where's my speech!"  
"On The counter next to the pencil can"  
"Where are my shoes!"  
"On the bathroom floor?"  
"Where's my makeup kit!"  
"In your suitcase you already packed it!"  
"Where's the invitation you do have it don't you?"  
"Yes it's already in the car."  
"Are you ready to go do you have all your stuff?" Tommy asked rushing around  
"Yes, I put it in the car already."  
"Good then come on…"  
"I think your forgetting something."  
"WHAT?" He whined loudly.  
Joe went to the closet and pulled out Tommy's old guitar case.  
"Oh thanks baby!"Tommy sad taking it along with his suitcase.  
"Why don't you open it before we leave."  
Tommy stared at the case, "Why? It's just my cherry bass."  
"Trust me…"Joe said trying to hide a smirk.  
Tommy huffed a bit and set the suitcase down, and the guitar case as well, unlatching the edges, he opened the case, and his mouth dropped, a Gibson Les Paul Standard Over Size Body Electric Bass, Gold Top guitar was settled snugly in it. it looked oddly firmillar though. It had a dent in the left side, right around the gold pegs near the bottom.  
and a scratch along the back neck…he thought, wait a minuet, he didn't… picking it up out of it's case he looked and saw two letters engraved in the left top of the top of the guitar head WJR ,Wilmer Jackson Ratliff. This was his fathers old bass… but how did he get it? And how did he restore it? He couldn't believe it.  
"Joe…"  
"Did you see the second engraving?"  
Tommy looked down and saw the engraving, "T+J=Tommy&Joe 4Ever I 3 U." he was speechless.  
"Joe…oh my god honey how did you get this?"  
"I called your mom, she was happy to meet me, I've had it for about 3 weeks now, took it into the shop, and they fixed it up and put that in there for me, do you like it?"  
"I love it!" Tommy stood pacing the guitar back in it's case and standing to wrap his arms around Joe's neck to kiss him.  
"Oh my god thank you!" Tommy said kissing him again.  
"I'm glad you like it…"  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
"You know much he meant to me, and every time I play this now, I'll remember both of you…" Tommy said his eyes were getting watery,  
"Do you mind if I use this to play at the wedding, so I can brag about it to Monte and Isaac?"  
"Of course, why not?"  
"I guess we should go then," Tommy said opening the door and locking it behind them they got in the car and headed to the airport. On the plane they sat with Monte, and Isaac, Sophie, and Lisa, and the kids, well they sat a few rows up, it was a private jet so there was a lot more room, and more to do, while Tommy socialized with the rest of the band, Joe sat in the back, with a guitar in his hands that he had managed to hook to the seat so it wouldn't was persevering to write a new song, he picked around with some chords, and then played a new riff. The plane was pretty sturdy except for the fact that it would lean side to side every so often and his pencil would roll of the desk, he was getting annoyed. Why was he even here, its not like he wanted to go to this wedding, or see Adam, or Sauli for that matter, he was getting himself angry, and  
he realized this was not the time, or place to start cursing, there were kids on this plane, so instead he put his anger to good use, the new song. A little while later, when they had about 3 hours left, to get to Belgium that is, Tommy came by, tagging along were Isaac and Monte.  
"Hey babe, what's going on?"  
"Trying to fix this song…" He muttered.  
Tommy let out a soft chuckle, Joe could be so consumed sometimes. "Can I read it?" Tommy asked.  
"Knock yourself out." Joe handed the paper to him and then dug in his bag for another paper.

You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease  
You're running, you're trying, you're trying to hide  
And you're wondering why you can't get free  
He's like a curse, he's like a drug  
You get addicted to his love  
You wanna get out but he's holding you down  
'Cause you can't live without one more touch  
[Chorus]  
He's a good time cowboy casanova  
Leaning up against the record machine  
Looks like a cool drink of water  
But he's candy-coated misery  
He's the devil in disguise  
A snake with blue eyes  
And he only comes out at night  
Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight  
You better run for your life  
I see that look on your face  
You ain't hearing what I say  
So I'll say it again  
'Cause I know where you been  
And I know how it ends  
You can't get away  
Don't even look in his eyes  
He'll tell you nothing but lies  
And you wanna believe  
But you won't be deceived  
If you listen to me  
And take my advice  
(Chorus)  
Run run away  
Don't let him mess with your mind  
He'll tell you anything you want to hear  
He'll break your heart  
It's just a matter of time  
But just remember  
(Chorus)  
Oh you better run for your life (2)

"Okay this is really good, but please tell me you aren't singing it." Tommy said, Monte and Isaac were reading over his shoulder.  
"Oh hell no, I would never sing that, it's for a female vocal, I was thinking of Carrie, she told me she would love to do a song i wrote, or even have us both write together, she told me to call her if I had something."  
"Wow… seriously, she gave you her number?" Tommy asked.  
"Really Tommy, she's engaged…"  
"Damn,"  
"And you said you were gay."  
"Aw, are you jealous."  
"No…"  
"I think you are."  
"Whatever."  
"Yeah Joe this is really good…"Monte agreed and Isaac nodded.  
"Thanks…" He said quietly taking the paper back from them.  
"Well we're gonna be there soon and as soon as we are, we are gonna head to the rehearsal, I have a car to drop you off along with Sophia."  
"Fine."  
"Okay, lets get back in our seats, I think we'll be landing soon. I'm not one for safety, but I really don't want to die." Tommy smirked.  
They got off the plane and arrived at the front of the airport and hour later, Joe headed towards the car, and Tommy stopped him, he kissed him, nibbling his ear and whispering,  
"If your in a good mood when I get back I promise we can do something special." That sent a shiver down Joe's spine and he nodded, smiling wide he nodded and kissed him again. Tommy captured the ip of his tongue and nipped at it before he let it go.


	19. What Hurts The Most

Chapter 18  
What Hurts The Most

Joe woke up to Tommy rushing around like an idiot, he was half dressed and it looked like he was freaking out.  
"Oh thank god your up, hurry get dressed, I let you sleep for as long as I could, we're gonna be so late! I'm supposed to be early, I mean I'm the Best Man…fuck…come on!" Joe was a bit confused and then it all clicked, the wedding. He pulled himself out of bed and over to the closet, where his suit hung. It was an extremely formal wedding, and so he had to wear something nice as much as he didn't want to go, he had to. So he quickly got up and got dress. in the shower he was thinking. What was he doing? He didn't have to go to this thing. Tommy wasn't the boss of him, neither was that therapist, He was going to stay here, and Tommy couldn't' do a thing about it.  
"Baby why aren't you dressed."  
"I'm not going." He said.  
"What, you have to?"  
"Why?"  
"Because I can't leave you alone."  
"Yes you can."  
"No I can't."  
"Why not?"  
"The therapist told me not to."  
"Oh so she said, 'don't leave Joe alone,' or did she say, 'I don't think it would be a good idea to leave him alone."  
"The second one."  
"So you can leave me alone, you just don't want to."  
"No Joe, I want you to come to the wedding so you can get over this, honestly this is really annoying, and stupid, I'm not going to wait around forever for somebody to love me, there are millions of other men and women who would be happy to be the person I need and want right now, I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but if you can't honestly get over him, and prove it to me, we're over, I can't do this anymore, I don't know if you realize this but it hurts me just as much as it hurts you. Every time we make love, I know your thinking of him, and it hurts, as much attention as you give me during our inmate encounters i know your head is still on him, and not me, as much as I want all those 'I love you's' to have been real they aren't and until you can get over him we're done, come to the car as soon as your dressed, don't take more than 15 minutes." Tommy took his over coat and slung it over his shoulder, grabbing the guitar case and heading out the door without another word.  
Joe sat shellshocked by what had just happened. He felt like crying. He didn't know what to do, were he and Tommy really over? If they were how was he going to get through this wedding without completely breaking down? He was going to have to find a way, if he made it, maybe it would be enough to prove to them that he was over him… yeah this is all it would take, to get through this wedding and then Tommy would love him again. He was convinced.  
Entering the chapel and taking his seat, he waited quietly in the back corner, while the rest of it filled up with friends and family from both sides, he had never felt so alone in a room full of people, nobody talked to him, and if they even acknowledged him at all they would give him the odd looks of 'what is he doing here?' making him bow his head in shame. He kept his gaze low, when he felt two arms wrap around him, a bit startled he let out a little gasp, looking up he saw Lelia. Quickly he casted his gaze down again,  
"Hey Boo, what's the matter?"  
"I'm sorry…" He said.  
"For what?"  
"For causing trouble, I should have just accepted it from the start…"  
"Shhh, I understand. I know what it's like there's nothing to be ashamed of…I know exactly what it's like, it's hard, and I'll still be there for you as long as you need me, I know you don't have many people anymore, and just want you to know you'll always be a son to me, as will Sauli and Adam."  
"Thanks Lelia, honestly I don't think you understand how much that means to me."  
"Is something wrong?" Lelia asked.  
"What? Other than the fact that my boyfriend dumped me, and told me he didn't want me until I could honestly love him, or the fact that the only person I'll ever love is about to walk down that aisle and commit there life to somebody other than me, and I'm forced to just sit here and watch!" Joe turned away to compose himself after his voice broke.  
"Honey, I'm so sorry for what he did to you… It wasn't right of him, it was horrible and wrong and I have talked to him about it, he's truly sorry."  
"Than why is he marrying him."  
"Sweetheart that's not how it works."  
"I know…I just want to be happy for them…you know what? I should be, I have well, had, a hot boyfriend, who by the way is way better than Adam, if you know what I mean, who let's me top, who's hot, and talented. I have a nice condo to live in, an amazing career of my own going, and I really should be happy I'm huts not and I don't know why considering all the amazing things happening to me, I just don't know why I'm not…"  
"You're not because you want him all to yourself and thats reasonable, I do understand and it's okay…so don't feel ashamed, the ceremonies gonna start soon, I should get back there, thanks for coming, and I know this is going to be hard, but I'm glad you decided to show, when he sent you that invite he was so nervous and he kicked himself for doing it for days, he really wanted you here, he wanted you here as a best man, but he was afraid to ask, he knew you'd say no considering the circumstances."  
"I'm kinda glad he didn't, but it would have been an honor to be asked, I would have declined though."  
"Well anyway, I know he wouldn't dare come out and say it but I know he's glad your here."  
"You really think so?"  
"I know so…"  
"Thanks Lelia…" Joe said.  
"Anytime honey, I'm only a phone call away." Joe smiled as she stood up to leave.  
The lights in the building dimmed and then they brightened, turning an aura of colors, Joe wasn't surprised, he knew this wedding was going to be anything but ordinary, he wouldn't be surprised if Adam had Sauli cross-dressed, or he himself was. The lights slowed to an elegant glow, and Sauli appeared at the end of the aisle, along with Kris(Kris Allen, Adam's second Best Man, and Sauli's half cousin) The wedding procession began, the flower girls Ariel and Ebony, Monte's little girls, and the ring barer, little three year old Riff, then Monte and Lisa Tommy with Brad, Sutan with Raja, Isaac with Sophie, Brooke and her husband, Sasha and Camilla, Neil and Allison (Iraheta), and then the moment came, after everyone else was situated in the first pews of the church. 'Better Than I Know Myself' rang through the church, and the doors opened, the congregation turned there heads in respect, there he was, Adam. On the arms of his parents, Leila on the left and Eber on the right. Joe had pictured this moment for so long, except from a totally different view, he at the front of the church smiling, in a pink tux, like he had promised Adam he'd wear if they ever got married. This was totally different, here he was in a pew, watching as his life walked down that aisle, he felt a lump forming in his throat, but he swallowed it back, he genuinely wanted Adam to be happy with the choice he made for the rest of his life, and if this was what he wanted, than Joe would just have to accept it. He watched Adam float down the aisle, and reach the end, turning to face Sauli, Tommy and Kris stood up, each holding a ring, they were joined in front of the alter. He barley noticed the vows being said, before he heard the words that would ring in his ears for the rest of his life. "I do…" the words fell like honey from Adam's lips towards Sauli, but to Joe they kit and crushed him with the force of a bowling ball. The ring slid on Saulis finger made it official, and then the moment…'You may kiss your husband.' the man said. Adam leaned in and pressed his lips to Sauli's, slow and loving, passionate, and full. Everything hung on that kiss, a silence after they pulled away, and as they turned towards the congregation, everyone was at there feet, clapping and cheering. Joe clapped politely along with everyone else, a sick feeling was creeping into his chest, and he was tearing up. he felt like sobbing but he couldn't do that. It wouldn't be fair, plus he really wanted Tommy to love him, as soon as the grooms were out of the church and on there way to the reception, everyone else filed out as well, Tommy came over to Joe and hugged him.  
You did it baby I'm sorry I didn't think you could I'm sorry for doubting you, you want to go to the reception?" "Yeah…" Joe said staying as strong as he could. Tommy took his hand and led him out of the building, and to the car they would be sharing with Sophie and Isaac to take them to the reception hall. Joe was silent the whole ride as the other three chatted away not acknowledging his existence, talking about the wedding, and Adam's outfit. Joe wanted to disappear, he just wanted to evaporate, or die. He resisted the tears that threatened to fall, and then the car stopped, finally they were here. He stepped out and decided that he was going to have a long night, Tommy went to go get his bass out of the trunk and came over to Joe. Taking his arm they walked into the party, which was already in full swing. Adam and Sauli were grinding up on each other a sight that made Joe want to vomit, except that wouldn't be fair if he did, so he kept his mouth shut. It was an open stage mic as entertainment and Tommy put his bass down next to the stage, and went off to talk to Isaac and Monte about performing later, they agreed after dinner they would take the set list. So all beforehand Tommy could have his own fun. He looked around and didn't see Joe anywhere, where had he gone?


	20. Watching You Breaks Me

Chapter 19  
Watching You Breaks Me

Joe leaned over the toilet in the bathroom, but nothing came up, he had broken out in a cold sweat when he saw Adam dirty dancing with Sauli, and grabbing at his crotch as they swayed to the music together as they kissed and sucked each others faces off in the middle of the dance floor. Brad had tried to get him to dance but he had declined and rushed off to here, he knew Tommy could come looking for him soon, and he would have to get into his dancing mood. He came out of the bathroom and came face to face with Tommy.  
"Oh hey baby, you wanna dance?" Joe asked submissively.  
"I like that tone," Tommy said taking his hand and kissing him. He led him to the dance floor and acted as a cock tease almost all night, he began to grind around him and kept his body close, dirty dancing was fun, they switched partners, and Tommy went to dance with Sutan and Brad danced with Joe. The music stopped and everyone went back to there seats, and did the toast, and had the cake that happened to be black frosted, and lime green in the middle. They had there first dance, and with every single action another bullet ripped through Joe's heart, this was truly killing him, he didn't want to be here, he didn't want to have anything to do with them. He wanted to go home and cry, but he managed to keep his tears in for the rest of the night, After the speech they decided to take the set list, by the third song, almost everyone in the room had gone up to sing or play for the new couple, even Lelia and Eber, the only last ones were, Tommy, Sophie, Lisa and Joe,  
"You should come up here baby," Tommy said into the mic, play that new song we wrote…"  
"Na, I'm fine here."  
"Come on Joe," Adam said.  
"We all want to hear it, you're obviously talented, come on just one song before the nights over…" Adam gave Joe his face.  
"Come on… that look's not gonna work on me anymore." Tommy looked at him with the same kitty face.  
"Not you to Tommy, fine…" Joe said coming up the steps. The music started and he began to sing.  
I finally asked you to dance  
On the last slow song  
Beneath that moon that was really a disco ball  
I can still feel my head on your shoulder  
And hoping that song would never be over

I haven't seen you in ages  
Sometimes I find myself  
Wondering where you are  
For me you'll always be 18  
And beautiful and dancin' away with my heart

I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes  
And the way you moved me was like you were reading my mind  
I can still feel you lean into kiss me  
I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me

I haven't seen you in ages  
Sometimes I find myself  
Wondering where you are  
For me you'll always be 18  
And beautiful and dancin' away with my heart

You headed off to college  
At the end of that summer and we lost touch  
I guess I didn't realize even at that moment we lost so much

I haven't seen you in ages  
Sometimes I find myself  
Wondering where you are  
For me you'll always be 18  
And beautiful and dancin' away with my heart

Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah  
Away with My Heart  
Everyone cheered, and clapped, adam let out a whistle,

Getting back into the car Joe wanted to break down right there, but he knew he couldn't Tommy was still on cloud 9 from the party and didn't acknowledge his hurt state, and kept babbling on about Sauli and Adam. Finally Joe snapped and said "Tommy can you just shut up…"He snapped. Tommy fell silent, he wasn't expecting that, never the less he listened, and closed his mouth, the rest of the ride was held in a slightly awkward silence. They got to the hotel a little while later it's the one that everyone was staying at. Adam and Sauli decided to not go on a honeymoon just yet, they wanted to wait until Adam's new album dropped, so they would be staying in Europe for a few extra days, flying over to London, and then going back home. They were staying in the penthouse at the top while lucky Isaac and Sophie were staying almost directly underneath them and Monte and Lisa and the kids at the other end of their hallway,and both Tommy and Joe at the other end of floor. As soon as they got into the room Tommy began to praise Joe.  
"You did it baby, you did it, do you made it through." No…no he didn't he tried and he failed, he didn't do anything, Joe went over to the bed and began to sob, Tommy's mood changed in a matter of seconds.  
"What's wrong baby?"  
"I'm sorry T-Tommy…I'm sorry I-I'm n-not enough…I'm sorry." He began to cry harder, his words were jumbled together, or saturated.  
"What are you talking about."  
"I-I'm not over him, I'm not…I tried, I really did, and I didn't want to ruin their wedding, so I-I was quiet."  
"Shh, honey what's wrong?"  
"I don't love you as much as I should I don't and you don't deserve that, I love you so much, but I can't love you as much as I love Adam, it would be too much to ask of you to stay any longer, so go…just leave… and don't come back for me I'm not worth your time…" Joe said tearfully.  
"Shhh, honey no… no I was so selfish to do that to you I love you and I'm sorry…that was so unfair to do that to you…I will wait for you."  
"No don't I'm not worth it!"  
"Yes you are…you so are."

"No…no I'm not…"

"Why don't you think you are?"

"Because It's simple I'm not…"

"Than let me show you…you are," Tommy said looking deep into Joe's mocha tear swimming colored eyes.

Joe looked at him, he saw trust, and love. Kissing him deeply he trailed his fingeres up underneath his shirt, kissing him deeply and lovingly, pushing him down on the bed he fumbled with the belt, kissing his lips he pulled back releasing the belt buckle, and stripping Joe of his shirt, thougTommy looked at Joe and kissed him again, as he saw the male was uncomfortable.  
"I'm so sorry Tommy."  
"Shhh," He hushed the man by covering his lips over Joe's and unbuttoning his shirt pulling it off of him.  
"Tommy…"  
"Shhh, Don't speak, I can make this good for you…" Tommy said kissing him lovingly, taking Joe's pants off he slipped off his own as well, and his sports beater. Kissing down his neck he sucked on his sweet spot, a hickey forming he was beautiful and sexy sprawled out like this, his eyes glazed over. He was everything that Tommy could ever dream of and more. Tommy trailed kisses down his chest, reaching his boxer briefs, he was big, Adam had been a lucky man.  
"Can I see you?" Tommy asked him. Joe nodded. taking the back of his head and grinding his front into Tommy's face a bit.  
"Patients baby." Tommy said slipping his hands underneath the waistband pulling down the briefs, and kissing his pelvic creases, right on the legs, and kissing his shaft lightly he toyed with head. Joe moaned and threw his head back from the stimulation of the hole.  
"OH FUCK!" Joe said as Tommy put his mouth overt it.  
"Oh Shit! That's so good! Ahhhh! Oh Ahhhh! That's it Tommy! Oh yeah! That's it more! More! Shit! "Joe was writhing underneath him as he sucked harder.  
"You taste amazing baby." Tommy said.  
"I can't, I can't, I can't not much longer…" Joe begged.  
"Then let go…cum…cum…I said cum!" Tommy demanded, and he did. Hard. Tommy jerked him off through aftershocks.  
"I love you so much, do you believe me?"  
"Not quite yet…" Joe said.  
"Take me…" He whispered to Tommy.  
"Fuck me, take me all of me…I love you…"  
"Okay…are you sure?"  
"Yes, but this has to be forever, I can't get hurt again."  
"I would never…" Tommy kissed him again, and looked up at kissed him, a warm and loving kiss.  
"I'm gonna prep you do you have any condoms on you?" Tommy asked.  
"Second drawer." Joe told him. "Came prepared, just in case." He said breathlessly.  
Tommy grabbed the lube and slicked his fingers up.  
"How long has it been?" Tommy asked.  
"Since anyones done me? I'd say year and a half…before I was deployed." Joe said to Tommy as he heard the cap close. Joe shivered as he felt his finger circle around the hole.  
"Unclench sweetie, or this isn't gonna work." Tommy smiled as he felt Joe loosen himself up. He let his finger slide in gently, moving slowly.  
"Are you ready for another?"  
"Yeah… one more."  
"That's it honey." Tommy said as Joe began to moan. Tommy scissored his opening with his two fingers. Joe pushed back onto them  
"So good, fuck… harder, again, fuck!" Joe said to Tommy. Tommy complied, he got 4 fingers successfully into him, before whispering.  
"Are you ready for me?"  
"Yeah…" Joe said kissing him and smiling. Tommy. Tommy slowly moved into him, kissing him softly and spooning him, moving in and out of him, slowly and gently, heat radiating throughout the ordeal. Joe tugged on Tommy's hair whimpering softly, and kissing him hard. The lovemaking was fierce, and full of love and passion. Tommy flipped Joe back over and kissed him once more before nestling back down next to him, wrapping Joe's strong muscular arms around him and falling asleep. Joe looked at the man in his arms, he knew that this was the way he wanted it to be forever, but still, he felt as if something wasn't right. He just couldn't put his finger on it. He loved Tommy with all his heart and soul, but there was this dull ache, that still was there, he didn't know how, or when it would ever heal. Or even if it would.


End file.
